| Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday.
Oct
12
I
called Jenny at 9 a.m and she said she'd call me back.
She didn't call until 9 PM! She said that she felt awful
and was sure she had alcohol poisoning. She was also wondering
why her nose was swollen.
It
turns out she can barely remember anything so I had to
tell her how she passed out under the bar, vomited in
the washroom and then passed out again at a table.
She
was mortified (as well she should be.) She apologized
and I told her it was OK. Even though I'd really looked
forward to it and it was really tough trying to carry
her to the taxi and I went to a lot of trouble to look
nice only to have to spend the night looking after her,
it was still OK.
She
felt really bad and promised to make it up to me. I told
her I wouldn't mind going back to the club but she said
she was too embarrassed. I assured her that nobody noticed
that she was drunk (which was a big fat lie--four people
almost stepped on her while she was lying underneath the
bar and the bartender had to help me load her into a taxi)
but she was so relieved.
I
asked her if she wanted to go the club again tonight and
I swear i heard her retch. She said that she wasn't capable
of going anywhere but she promised we'd do it again soon.
Great.
I meet the man of my dreams, she ruins it and then she
doesn't even make an effort? Bitch.
Oct
13
I
wonder what Craig is doing now. I wonder if he went to
the club last night looking for me--oh God if he did--and
me sitting at home alone! I was tempted to go there by
myself but if he wasn't there I'd look kind of pathetic
sitting by myself.
My
father phoned out of the blue. He asked me if I'd like
to come to dinner on Sunday and I said I had plans. I
don't know why I lied because I always believe honesty
is the best policy it is in fact my credo but I just don't
feel like sitting with his lumpy family. He sounded really
disappointed. He said his mother was arriving from England
on Saturday and he really wanted his first born to meet
her.
Oh
God, I curse my mother and her misspent youth! Some purple
jesus and a night out at the Rocky Horror Picture Show
and now I'm stuck with a father who sets my teeth on edge,
a step-mother who hates me, a half-sister who stole my
boyfriend and relatives crawling out of every crevice.
The
only one who seems nice is Catherine and I don't think
she's right in the head.
I
told him I would have to see if I could change my plans
and get back to him.
Oct
14
I
was watching a rerun of the Waltons last night and I decided
it would be nice to have a grandmother. My mother had
a mother of course and so did the man that I called Dad
but I don't remember anything about them. My maternal
grandmother gave birth to my mother when she was 42 (ew!)
so she was 90 billion years old when I was growing up
and died when I was six. My dad's mother died when he
was little.
Maybe
my life would have turned out better if I had a grandmother.
Someone who would pat my face lovingly and hand me sweets
from her handbag that were covered in lint. Someone who
would encourage and spoil me. I would put her shawl over
her shoulders and ask "are you all right grammy?"
and she would smile and say "don't fuss dear, you're
always too concerned with how other people are feeling."
Someone who would ask how I was doing and really care
and when she died she'd leave me her photo collection
because I was the only one who'd appreciate it. Someone
I could introduce Craig to without embarrassment.
Yeah,
I think that has been what has been missing besides a
relationship, wealth and fame.
Oct
16
Finally
Jenny is going out with me to Club Hades. Oh God I am
so nervous! I reassured her that no one would remember
what an ass she made out of herself last time. I sincerely
hope they don't because it would make me look really bad.
The
only good thing is Craig saw what a good friend I was
to someone in need and that can't hurt.
I
hope Jenny has a good time too because that way I won't
have to keep checking on her. I hope someone pays attention
to her even if they don't mean it. She needs a bit of
a boost. Let's face it, she's not getting much younger
and although I hate to say it, she looks like she's getting
near her sell-by date.
I wonder what Craig will do when he sees me again. I imagine
a bit of a double take. I'll say something funny like
"so, come here often?" or "Fancy meeting
you here, stranger." something hokey but fun.
I've
cleaned my apartment from top to bottom and changed my
sheets just in case.
Oct
17
It's
4:30 and I'm still in bed. I don't think I'm going to
get up either. I might get up later to get some more potato
chips, but that's it.
It
was a complete balls of a night.
Jenny
drove me nuts on the way there. She was so nervous that
people would remember last week. She kept saying that
she was only doing it because I forced her. In my head
I was saying "yeah, well too bad" but out loud
I kept telling her that no one noticed a thing.
And
they didn't.
We
left later this time so the place was jumping and were
lucky to snag the last two seats at the bar.
I
was so excited. While Jenny was yamming on I kept scanning
the room for Craig but I coudn't see him. I saw a couple
of guys who looked like him but when I went over to them
they didn't look anything like him.
In
the meantime, Jenny who does not learn from past mistakes
was well into the hooch. She was talking about Brian and
I thought I would go out of my mind with boredom. Even
worse --nobody was paying any attention to me at all!
I thought for sure that it was because of Jenny and her
long face and I was ready to call it a night when a
guy came over and asked me if I going to dance. I said
sure, even though he wasn't my type--I just wanted to
be admired. He said "great, then I can take your
chair."
I
could not believe it! He then leaned in toward Jenny and
started chatting her up. It was humiliating! To save face
I went to the bathroom. When I came back it was like the
jerk had cloned himself because there was four more like
him around Jenny.
I
very loudly said "excuse me! and told the guy to
get out of my seat.
He
gave me the seat without even looking at me. They were
flocking around Jenny like bees to a honey. I tried so
hard to look like I was happy for her but six double vodkas
made it really hard. I was pretty pissed when I said.
"I wonder what Brian's doing" expecting her
to get her priorities in order but Jenny just said "Oh,
screw Brian." and the men around her almost cheered.
I then asked her if she should be drinking so much--wasn't
she breast feeding? Which I figured would put the kibosh
on any romantinc plans but no, it didn't cool anyone's
ardor. In fact some of the men looked at her with new
interest. She told me to lighten up.
I
couldn't drag her out of there until one o'clock. It was
a horrible night.
This
is just not fair. Nothing every goes right for me, nothing.
I give and I give an I get nothing in return. I am the
biggest loser on the entire planet. It is just not fair.
Jenny
phoned me to ramble on about last night. I could tell
she was thrilled to bits she just kept saying "and
I wasn't even looking for a date!"
9:00
WHooo hooo! I just remembered something--the Repeat
Rule. Whenever you've gone out and had an evening like
Jenny had, the next time you are really disappointed because
no one will pay any attention to you. It's almost like
men can sense you are expecting attention, think you are
desperate and ignore you.
I
phoned Jenny to ask her if she wanted to go out again
tomorrow night.
Oct
19
So
much for the Repeat Rule. This sucks.
Jenny
is not even half as goodlooking as me, she is nowhere
near as talented as I am, she is not as funny and she
is not as sensitive. Bitch.
She's
only been single for like eight minutes and she has got
a swarm of men fighting over her. I, someone who has a
lot more to offer than Jenny, am alone. Completely alone.
All alone.
She
actually set up a date with one of the guys she met and
offered to set me up with one of his friends.
Oh,
thank you for the crumbs from your table Lady Bountiful!
I very frostily told her I was quite capable of meeting
men myself thank-you-very-much. And the men I want to
meet don't hang around in sleazy singles bars.
I
couldn't see Craig anywhere. I even asked the bartender
if he knew him but he didn't.
I've
got to get my wants on order. I think that's the problem.
Because I'm a very complex individual I'm not getting
the things I need because I'm sending out the wrong signals.
I
want:
To
be a best-selling author/and or get on talk shows
To
be in a warm loving relationship. Preferably with Craig
but at this point I just want to be with someone who wants
me back.
To
lose ten pounds --ideally fifteen but I don't want to
use up all my wishes and I have a lot of black clothes.
To
get more highlights. Chunkier ones this time.
A
grandmother. I didn't know I wanted this until the other
day but I do now.
World
peace.
You
see, that's just typical of me. Even in my own want list
I include the rest of the world.
That
could be one of my problems. I think that I've got to
be more selfish.
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