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We
have We have a special double issue this week and Jenna's
Diary will return January 11th.
Dec
15
Jeff
came over last night at about eleven. His company had a cocktail
party and it ran late. I sulked the whole time he was here.
It is too early in the relationship to get mad but I think
sulking is OK. Because you're not saying anything when you
sulk, if it backfires then you can always say later that you
were tired.
What's
going on? Is he ashamed of me? First of all he doesn't invite
me to his parents place and then he doesn't ask me to his
office party.
He
said it was really boring and I wouldn't have had a good time.
Maybe so, but I would rather have a lousy time with him than
sitting at home.
I'm
tired of being in the background. I hope January will be different
because this is ridiculous.
I want us to be together all the time not one or two nights
a week. He's all I can think about.
Dec
17
I
don't know what to get Jeff. I've narrowed it down to two
things - an engraved lighter or a bathrobe. I'm leaning towards
the lighter because a bathrobe seems very intimate, but he
doesn't smoke and I don't want to force him to start.
I'm
starting to really resent his family. They're taking Jeff
away from me. Don't they realize that Christmas is the most
important holiday for couples to spend together? It is second
only to their wedding day. It's not fair that they stick their
big noses in and try to take over the holiday. Good God, they've
have him for 34 years can't they give someone else a go?
It's
not fair.
Dec
18
My
mother asked if Jeff and I would like to come over Christmas
evening. I told her that he wasn't coming over until seven
because he was spending the day with his parents.
She
asked why he wasn't taking me to meet his parents and I blew
up at her. I explained that first of all, it was none of her
business. If she was so concerned with my life then she should
have bought me that Beautiful Chrissy doll when I was six
and made me take piano lessons and secondly I didn't want
to go to his parent's place.
She
went on a bit about " well, I think it's a little strange
that he hasn't invited you."
I
told her he did invite me. He in fact begged
me to go but I refused.
Honestly!
Why does she have to be so toxic? She has to twist everything
around.
I
was going to get her something retail priced but I'm not so
sure now.
Dec
19
OH
MY GOD. HE SAID IT!!!!! He said he loves me!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
We
were cuddling and after a few glasses of wine I casually said
"how do you feel about me?" he said he thought I
was quirky, blah, blah, blah, all the stuff I already know
but not the words I want to hear. Finally I said "Wow,
it sounds like you almost love me!" he said "I guess
so, I don't know."
I
have never been so happy in my life. This is going to be the
best Christmas I've ever had. This is the kind of Christmas
that you look back on 50 years from now and tell the grandkids."That's
when we knew for sure."
Christmas
will always be a doubly special time for us. Even when we
are struggling to put together a tricycle for little Jeff
on Christmas Eve or dealing with little Jenna's croup, this
time of year will always be magical.
Dec
20
Simon
called again. He said he felt down and needed to talk to someone.
While he was talking my other line beeped. It was Jenny calling
to say that she was really depressed. This is her first Christmas
alone and she said she is feeling so lonely.
God!
People like me who are kind, compassionate and giving, always
end of being taken advantage of. I told Jenny that Survivor
was on at eight and ER was on at 11:00 so I'd have to call
her back later (Which I forgot to do) and Simon I totally
forgot about. He might still be on hold for all I know.
Jeez
I'm so sick of being "good ol' Jenna". You have
a problem? Get Jenna to fix it. Are you feeling low? Phone
Jenna and she'll listen to your boring stupid problem.
I
think in the new year I'm going to have to set some limits.
I
do want to talk to Jenny though because I have to tell her
that Jeff said the words. It might cheer her up to see that
some people are ecstatically happy.
Dec
22
Jeff
and I had our first fight.
We
went to the mall because he needed to pick up a present for
his mother. He kept looking at really expensive items and
I felt myself getting madder and madder. This woman won't
even invite me to her home and here he is rewarding her bad
behaviour with Waterford crystal.
I
suggested a "Dancing Santa" and he snorted. I got
really angry and said. "Oh, isn't that good enough for
her either." in a tone just dripping with contempt and
it just went on from there.
I
called them stuck up prigs who were more concerned with appearances
than they were with human beings. He said I wasn't being fair
because I hadn't even met them, but I didn't care.
We
were in front of the Gap and I screamed at him "Why don't
you go be with your family if you love them so much."
I
stormed out and tried to hail a cab. He chased me out and
coaxed me into his car.
He
explained that he wanted me to meet his family but was scared
that I would get lost in the shuffle. He said that he would
be proud to present me to his family but the timing had to
be right.
He
is so right. I don't know why I didn't see that before. He
is introducing someone who quite possibly might be their future
daughter-in-law - of course he wants to make it special. He
doesn't want to cram me in with the deaf old Aunties and snotty
nosed nephews.
Oh
God I'm happy!
Dec
23
I
got a beautiful tree and the place looks like fairyland. I've
been trying out recipes so that on Christmas day there won't
be any room for error. It's good because I have learned a
lot of things--for example allspice is not actually allspices
and kneading is not a typo.
I
put on some Christmas music and started balling my eyes out
when I heard "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire."
I
cried until I felt weak. It just doesn't get better than this.
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