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Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday.
January
14
Ode
to Jamaica
Farewell
land of sea and sky.
You
comforted me in the bosom of your sandy shores while
the waves tickled my toes and your smells assaulted
my senses.
You
braided my hair and soothed my soul with your ancient
rhythms that stemmed from long ago.
Even
thought the people are fickle the beauty of your
tragic isle makes Jamaica a memory in the making.
It's
a little rough because I wrote it on the plane after three
martinis, but I think it captures my life there.
I can see why people travel now. I used to think it was to
show off, but now having lived in a different country my mind
has broadened. Which is really good.
I
phoned Jenny before I left to ask her to pick me up at the
airport. When she answered I took a deep breath and said.
"I'm coming home."
A
good friend would express relief or at least make a comment
about courage but all she said was "Coming home from
where? I thought you were at home."
I
told her that I'd packed up and left my life. I told her about
Jeff being married and she started shrieking "I knew
it! I knew there was something fishy about him!That's probably
why Tim stopped seeing me - he's probably married too!!!!"
That's
just typical Jenny. It's always about her.
I
got angry and said she was some friend turning my tragedy
into hers. She said that she was sorry but that I did tend
to be a bit of a drama queen.
Drama
queen! DRAMA QUEEN!!!! I told her I would never talk to her
as long as I lived and if I took a nose dive off a cliff she
should consider herself responsible.
"Jenna,
why don't you just enjoy your little holiday and I'll talk
to you when you get back."
Holiday! I abandoned my life and she calls it my "little
holiday". Is is it because she is to cowardly to make
the bold strokes, to venture out into the unknown, take control
of her life? YES!
It
was only after I hung up that I realized I'd forgotten to
ask her to pick me up at the airport.
January
15
When
I arrived at work Mom and Mr. Van Heusan asked me how my little
holiday was.
20/20
Dateline and 48 Hours would probably have done
a two-part series on the Disappearance of Jenna but
my family and friends didn't even notice I was missing. What
does a person have to do to grab their attention? Burst into
flames in front of them?
I
ignored them the whole day and pretended I didn't hear when
my mom said I had to go over to their place to open my Christmas
present.
I
marvel at how I'm able to live with people who don't understand
me. They treat me like a child! When will my mother realize
that I've grown up? That I'm not her little girl anymore?
That I've experienced things and gone places that she hasn't
even dreamed of? I am completely tortured by this.
I
wonder what they got me.
January
16
I'm
seeing Jeff tonight and I'm a mess of emotions. On the one
hand I miss him so much that I will do anything to be with
him but on the other hand I'm so angry at him for deceiving
me that a part of me feels I would be better off without him.
On
top of that I have no idea what to wear.
If
I dress sexy it's like instant forgiveness but if I don't,
he might not lust for me. Oh, man why does life have to be
so hard?
I'm
not going to leap right into his arms. Moving away taught
me something. I have no one to depend on but myself. I teach
others how to treat me. I deserve a certain amount of respect
and I will not settle for anything less. He better make damn
sure that he dances to my tune or pfffft, he can kiss my butt
goodbye. I'm a different person now. I'm stronger than I've
ever been.
I'm
going to wear my low cut black dress with my push-up and some
garters.
January
17
When
he walked into the restaurant is was all I could do to keep
myself from running into his arms. My heart was beating so
loud I swear the cutlery was shaking. He took my hand when
he sat down and I felt like I was on fire.
I
kept my wits about me and pushed his hand away. I told him
how betrayed and used I felt. I told him that I thought we
had something special, something that only comes around once
in a lifetime and he ruined it all with his lies.
At
that, Jeff started to laugh.
?
When
I rehearsed this scene, laughter was not in the script.
I grabbed my purse and was about to leave when he said. "Oh,
come on Jenna you're hardly one to talk about lying. A gynecologist?"
Yeesh.
I sat down slowly. I'd forgotten about that. I felt my face
flaming. I very feebly asked him when he found out that I
wasn't a doctor.
"Well,
showing up unexpectedly at your work and them having no idea
who you were was a big clue, but there were minor ones. Remember
the time you were talking about your "work" and
said you felt really great because you'd performed an ectopic
pregnancy on an infertile woman and that thanks to you she
could give birth? Or the time you said you treated a woman
for prostate trouble by removing her urethra?
"Because you were saying all these ridiculous things
I assumed you were doing it to pull my leg. I thought that
you regarded our relationship as a fling and you weren't taking
it seriously."
Damn
Jenny! It was her idea to lie and tell him I was something
I wasn't!
I was soooooooo embarrassed. Then he started to talk about
his wife. He said they'd grown apart a long time ago. They've
been sleeping in separate beds for five years and he said
she really didn't understand him. He still lives with her
but it is only because she will fall apart if he leaves..
He
said he was going to divorce his wife, he just needed a little
time to prepare her. He said he wanted to have a life with
me but it would take some time and if I was patient we would
both be able to live the life we deserve.
It
was all the usual crap you hear from an unfaithful spouse,
but in this case I believed him
I
told him I'd need some time to think about it. I was raised
with very strict moral values and getting involved with a
married man was not something I could jump into lightly.
He
said he understood. I went to the washroom, came back and
said. "O.K. I've thought about it, we'll give it a go."
Jenna
and Jeff. Jeff and Jenna.
Forever.
New to Jenna's Diary?
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Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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