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Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday
Feb
2
Kathy
is Gwyneth Paltrow's double. Yeesh.
I couldn't help myself, the curiosity was killing me. I went
to the Pacific Trust during my lunch hour. I pretended to
read the retirement pamphlets and tried to find someone who
matched her voice. I'd settled on a chunky harried teller
and was trying to read her name tag to make sure (I'm sure
she thought I was a pervert) when I noticed Kathy's name on
an office door.
I had to hang around for an hour before she came back from
lunch. It's a good thing Mr. Van Heusan and my mom left me
in charge of the office while they kept their appointment
with the minister who is performing their wedding service.
I was four hours late because it was a 45 minute bus trip
to get to her work and I still had to have lunch and get some
shopping done.
She
breezed in about one and headed toward her office. I noticed
she had a bag of groceries which gave me a pang. She came
out with some paperwork shortly after, saw me standing and
she actually spoke to me!
I felt so dowdy and short next to her. She is sooooo elegant
and self assured. She came over and said she would be happy
to help me. I wanted to scream "If you really want to
help me, leave your husband and gain 40 pounds!" But
I mumbled something about just browsing and scurried out.
Oh,
gosh. It's not fair she has everything. She has a career,
a great body, JEFF.
It's
not fair.
Feb
3
Jeff
came over last night and we had a bit of a fight. I kept asking
questions about Kathy. How they met, what they did when they
were happy, what food did she like - everything. He said he
didn't want to talk about it that it was too weird. We bickered
back and forth for a bit and Jeff left in a bit of a huff.
I
am so conflicted. I LOVE him but this is tearing me apart.
I know I have to make a decision but my mind is too foggy
now.
I
wish my friends would help me, be there for me as I have been
for them but no. Irene said to run as fast as possible away
from the situation and Jenny said "What? You're stalking
her?"
What
kind of help is that? I need their comfort right now. I need
them to tell me "Don't worry Jenna, if she is so gorgeous
she can have her pick of any man while you have to take what
you are given." Well maybe not that last part but something
like that.
Feb
7
Yech.
My mother's decided that home made candles wrapped in ribbon
with dried flowers would make the perfect gift for her wedding
guests. I asked her why she didn't just throw in a couple
those almond candies in the hairnet and she just gave me one
of her looks.
She
insisted on calling it a party and was all a twitter. She'd
invited Michael's mom Aimee and her friend Rosemary.
Rosemary, who I thankfully haven't seen for a few years, is
a "card". And kept "wise-cracking" example.
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal
lobotomy!!!" and "Hey? Hay is for horses!"
She is completely obnoxious.
Aimee
is still the same, sort of useless. Even though she weighs
over 250 pounds she has this wan helplessness about her. Her
victorian-heroine-tuburcular gestures seem so at odds with
her girth, I could have watched her all night - except Rosemary
told me to close my mouth I'd catch flies. (Har, har, har.)
My
mom had all the candlemaking junk in the kitchen and Mr. Van
Heusan stood in the doorway rattling the change in his pockets
saying things like:
"Oh,
look at you gals hard at work! Maybe I should start a factory."
Or he'd hold the lengths of ribbon up to his head and say
"Do you think is this my colour?"
My
mom would roll her eyes and swat him with the tea-towel telling
him to go away this was women's work. Rosemary would wipe
her eyes and say, "Oh, Merle, he is SUCH A TONIC Does
he have a brother?!" Back and forth back and forth. It
was nauseating.
Making
candles is not as much fun as buying them or for that matter
burning them.
Rosemary
who prides herself on being direct. Said "OK, I know
you won't ask this Merle, but I will! Jenna what are your
plans for the future? For heaven sake it's time to settle
down! What's with the new boyfriend that your poor mother
has never seen? What are your plans with him?" Then she
sat back with a very smug, satisfied look as if she just got
someone to rat out their friends during a session at the HUAC.
I
told her that my boyfriend's name is Jeff and that my mom
would meet him at the wedding. With that Rosemary yelled "Hallelujah
Merle at least we'll see if this one exists!"
It
just figures she'd remember the boyfriend I made up when I
was 20. I got so sick of her bragging about her dog-face twin
daughters and their soon-to-be doctor/lawyer boyfriends that
I lied and made up a guy named Ray.
Ray
had his own car, his own home and his own business and lived
far, far away. For some reason Rosemary didn't buy this and
tried to embarrass me at every opportunity. One day while
she was visiting I decided to phone Ray to tell him I couldn't
see him that night because we had company. I used the hall
phone and spoke loudly for Rosemary's benefit. Just as I was
shouting "I"m going to miss you too pooky!"
She came up behind me and said "let your Aunt Rose talk
to this mystery man!"
Sitting
at the table she had my mother and Aimee in stitches as she
told the story again. The look on my face when she heard the
dial tone, the hilarious way she handled it by saying"Well
you sound nice Ray! I think I might know your Uncle, Con Edison."
I
got so mad! Without thinking I blurted out "Well Jeff
is real as you will soon see, and furthermore we are going
to be married so why don't you just put that in your pipe
and smoke it."
You
could have heard a pin drop. It was great.
For
about five seconds.
Oh
God! Why can't I learn to keep my big huge trap shut?
What have I done now?
Pipe
and smoke it?
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Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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