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Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday
February
22
My
apartment has never been so clean! I didn't even know the
toaster had a little tray at the bottom. No wonder it kept
catching on fire! Jeff is so handy and so organized! I'm trying
to keep everything just so but I can never remember if the
shampoos are in order of manufacturer or product.
What
a wonderful weekend and I get to see him Wednesday! He is
going to meet my mother! (Yeck, but it has to be done.)
So
out of seven days that means I will have seen him four and
a half which is almost seven and it is two and half more than
his wife has seen him. Oh, Lord I'm happy.
I
don't know how my mother manipulated me into asking him over
but she did. I think her stupid loud-mouthed friend Rosemary
planted stupid ideas in her head about me making Jeff up and
she couldn't rest content until she'd seen him in the flesh.
I think it is so sweet of him to go with me. To be honest
he wasn't all that keen but after a bottle of wine he seemed
to warm up to the idea. I also got him to agree come to the
wedding too, just before he passed out.
I'm
so happy!
February
23
My
mom is all aflutter over her wedding and it is kind of cute.
Up until now I haven't paid all that much attention because
it's really none of my business but because my heart is wide
with love I find it rather sweet to see her so keyed up.
She
hasn't asked me to go for a dress fitting yet and while I'm
relieved, it is getting rather close to the date. I know whatever
she chooses will be hideous but I'd rather know what I'm in
for.
I'm
going to have to make a few things clear though, I don't want
to be bothered with a lot of dumb details. The only reason
I'm agreeing to be part of the wedding party is because she
is my mother. If she wants to yak about table arrangements
she will have to do that with tath coven of witches that she
calls her friends.
The
best thing is that both of them have been out of the office
so I have plenty of time to catch up on things I've been meaning
to do for a while. Sally Hansen has a French Manicure Kit
that I'm dying to try and you just can't get anything done
in the office with them hanging over your shoulder.
February
27
Jeff
phoned to tell me he would be late so I had to go to my mother's
place by myself. The woman is insane. She opened the door,
looked around outside, then she ushered me in with this weird
look on her face. She coughed a couple of times as I was taking
off my coat and said, "Is Jeff here?"
What kind of mother do I have? Out of spite I introduced her
to the air and she looked really worried. She nervously played
with her locket, put out her hand and said, "How lovely
to meet you."
Man,
that woman is bonkers. I told her Jeff had been delayed and
her laugh was almost hysterical with relief. She bounced into
the living room and said to Mr. Van Heusan, "Jeff isn't
here, so don't say hello!"
It's
a wonder I turned out as well as I did.
She
bubbled all about the wedding and showed me her "going-away"
outfit. No offense but I think a sweatshirt and some jeans
would be good enough for Casino Niagara.
When
Jeff arrived she was on her best behaviour - she almost seemed
normal! There was a tricky moment when she asked if we'd set
a date but I covered it really quickly by knocking over her
"The Lord Loveth a Cheerful Giver" figurine.
Jeff
was really charming. He told her his mother collected Precious
Moments too and I thought she was going to kiss him. She went
into one of her spooky Precious Moments spells but snapped
out it when I told her I smelled smoke.
Mr.
Van Heusan made corny jokes about the wedding referring to
my mom as the "old ball and chain" which frankly
is not that far from the truth and jingled his change a lot.
I think I'm going to get him some coin rollers as a wedding
present.
While
it wasn't a wonderful time is was as good a time as I've ever
had in a room with my mother.
When
we left Jeff said he though my mother was a sweetheart and
that Mr. Van Heusan was a gem.
I
was just relieved to be able to exhale.
February
28
The
wedding is a week tomorrow and I still don't know what she
has planned for me to wear. I called and left a message but
got her stupid machine. They bought a new deluxe one and the
message consists of her reading the instructions. "It
says to press record while holding down the pause button,
release the pause button when you are ready to record your
greeting. When BEEEEEEEEEP."
8
p.m.
My
mother called me back about ten minutes ago. I don't have
to worry about my bridesmaid's dress.
I'm
not in the wedding party.
My
mother, the woman who gave birth to me does not want me in
her wedding party.
I
can't believe this.
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