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Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday
April
20
I
had to start talking to my mother again. I am a very harmonious
person and really hate having conflict around me. Also I need
her to give me some money because the landlord needs the first
month's rent and security deposit.
I
wanted to tell her that I was living with Jeff but I figured
telling her I was moving was enough for now. With her you
have to go really slow.
"The cat was on the roof" kind of thing. I think
as she gets older the hormones make it harder for her to accept
change.
I
got into work early and the first thing she said was "Couldn't
sleep, huh?" Fine start to our reconciliation. She is
so lucky I'm a big person and am willing to overlook things
like this. I asked her to sit down told her that I wanted
to settle things between us that it has gone on too long.
I made some token blah, blah about how I didn't like it when
we weren't speaking how I hated any conflict blah, blah. She
almost ruined it by saying "Jenna you're the one who
hasn't been speaking." But I forged ahead. I even threw
in some stuff about being happy for her and Mr. Van Heusan.
(I guess I am in a way. He's a nice man and it's not like
she could do better.)
She
blathered on a bit about how she hated when we were arguing
that she wasn't even sure how it started. I was going to tell
her because I remember vividly how it started: She
stuck her big nose in and repeated a lot of stupid gossip
because she can't bear to see me happy. But it would have
just prolonged the conversation.
We
hugged and then I
told her that I was moving, that I needed a change and that
I'd found a new place.
She
asked why I would leave such a lovely, bright cozy apartment.
(All of a sudden the apartment is bright and cozy now that
I'll be leaving it but before she referred to it as dark and
dingy.) Then I told her where I was moving to and her jaw
dropped.
"Forest
Heights! Jenna, you can't afford to live in Forest Heights!"
I
fibbed a little and told the rent was half of what is is.
(Which isn't really a fib because I'll only be paying half
the rent) and then she got excited.
Everything
is about money to her I can't believe it. I told her about
the view, about the apartment, the concierge, the patisserie
and she seemed really pleased. Then I gently brought up the
fact that I needed a little advance on my pay. She asked how
much is a little and I told her two months ought to do it.
Her
face went through all the writhing things it does whenever
she has to part with a penny but luckily for me Mr. Van Heusan
was lurking in the background jingling his pocket change.
He coughed just a little to get my mother's attention, apologized
for eavesdropping and said "Merle, I think it's wonderful
that Jenna is moving to a new neighbourhood. The poor thing
has been through a lot lately and a new start is probably
in order."
I
could have kissed Mr. Van Heusan but I didn't because if I
did he'd think I liked him and wouldn't try to buy my affection
anymore.
Wow,
what a day! A nice chunk of change, harmony in the office.
They are so right when they say communication is the key.
April
22
Jeff
mentioned that it was our weekend for Dylan. It threw me because
we just had the kid two weeks ago. He went on to say that
he was hoping that it would change to every weekend once they
went to court.
????
Every WEEKEND? EVERY WEEKEND? I am well aware of the responsibility
I took on when I decided to make Jeff my life partner. I know
that I've got a package deal and that I've got to raise the
kid too which incidentally although I hate blowing my own
horn I am very, very good at child rearing, but EVERY WEEKEND!
I
wanted to tell Jeff that I thought every weekend was excessive
that I thought we could probably do a better job straightening
the kid out if we saw it less but he gets this weird look
on his face when he talks about the kid. His face brightens
and his eyes go all goopy and soft so instead I told him that
I thought that was a fine idea BUT with the move and all it
might be unsafe for Dylan that he might be better off taking
the kid to the mall or something.
Whew,
thank God that did it. I'll have to deal with this every weekend
thing once we move in. Maybe once he gets used to free weekends
the novelty of the kid will wear off. I hope so.
April
24
There
was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me at work. I was really
excited because I thought they might have been from Jeff -
a little mid-week romance- but they weren't. They were from
my mom and Mr. Van Heusan. Apparently it's "Administrative
Professionals' Day." No one really likes to get flowers
from someone they aren't going to have sex with but it was
a nice gesture mostly because I found out my job title.
I
asked them if I was getting a raise, being a professional
and all but they laughed like I'd made a joke. Oh, well.
April
25
I
took Irene with me to see the new apartment. I dropped off
the rent and security deposit and they gave me the keys. Wow,
even the keys are nicer than my old ones.
Irene
took some measurements and found out where the sun was coming
from. I don't know why she has to make a big production of
things. The fact that the sun was burning out our retinas
when we went to the window would have told anyone it was a
western exposure but of course she had to treat it like she's
discovered the secrets of the universe. She drew up some floor
plans and we moved paper furniture around a bit. My white
palette now includes maroon and taupe because that's what
she studied this week. Sheesh I wish I would have caught here
at the end of her course rather than the beginning.
We
went out for a couple of drinks afterward and she started
crying. Paul, her husband hasn't been showing up at the counselor
saying he's too busy. God, the writing is on the wall and
the poor thing can't see it. It is my duty as a friend to
tell her these things but it is pretty depressing already
to hear her bawl, how bad is it going to be when she realizes
he doesn't love her? I'll wait until the apartment is finished
because I just can't handle the stress right now.
When
I got home Jeff was on the phone. He was really upset and
he kind of looked like he'd been crying. I heard him say "Just
one more chance, please I'm begging you. I promise this time
it will be different." He saw me and said to the person
on the phone. "Can we meet to talk about this?"
he wrote down some information and then he hung up.
He
told me he'd been talking to his lawyer. Wow, lawyers really
are sharks. It's bad enough that you have to pay through the
nose, but to have to beg them to keep you as a client? Unreal.
I
asked him if he'd like me to go to the meeting with him and
he said that he would prefer to handle this himself. The poor
guy.
8:30
p.m. "This time will be different?"
Weird.
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