EST. May 2000 (AD)


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Jenna's Diary Week by Week


OH, my God I met someone! His name is Simon and he is superb. We met at the opening (oh GOD I love saying that!) It was held at the Goddard Gallery and the featured artist was an up-and- comer named Sean Grayson. I didn't  understand the work really.  It was sort of like comic book art and sort of not. If I hadn't known it was art I probably would have thought it was junk but everyone around me was very impressed so I was too. Madeleine said the work was "innovative" and "crudely charming" and I totally agreed.

Madeleine is so cool. She used to run the gallery so she knew just about everyone at the opening, in fact the artist called her his muse! (The artist was pretty hot but he had a girlfriend that looked like she was surgically attached so I didn't even try to flirt.) I felt pretty important as she ushered me around. Madeline then  introduced me to a guy named Clay, someone she went to school with and he introduced me to Simon.  (cue angels singing!)

Simon is about 5'9" thin, thin, thin , blonde wavy  hair (the front of his hair poking out of his  striped woollen beanie is blond anyway ) ear gauges, lots of sexy jewellery,  tight pants, tight t-shirt,  teal eyes, classic features, oh my God he is sooooooooooooooos sexy!

He took my hand and said "Jenna. Hm. Is that French?" I don't know why but I said yes. He has such an intense stare! He asked me if I'd like a class of wine and led me over to the bar. We talked for ages, he is originally from London but moved here when he was two months old (that's why he doesn't have an accent) he is a performance artist and has studied Bouffant  with Philippe Gaulier ( I don't know what that is but it sounds fab.) He lives in a loft with Clay and he loves beautiful women (intense look at ME!).

We made plans to meet up on Wednesday and I can't wait.

It was sad saying goodbye to Madeleine though. For the first time ever  I wish my mom would marry Mr. Van Heusan just so that I could finally be related to someone who can say Paris without having to say France immediately after.
She is wonderful, so glamourous so kind so beautiful. If I wasn't older than her I'd like to be like her when I grew up.   We hugged in the taxi and she promised to stay in touch.

What am I going to wear on Wednesday? I want to look artisty. The closest I have are my writer clothes. I wonder if they will do?

Usually when I meet someone I phone Christine and Julie right away but they are driving me nuts with this stupid shower. I'm sure Kate and Prince William's wedding took less planning. I have completely lost interest. (Not that I had much to begin with.)

I am looking at Mr. Van Heusan with a different eye now. How could someone so....blah be related to someone so glamorous? Weird. Maybe it will rub off.
We are so busy at work with Christmas orders. My mother is frantic because a new load of figurines came from China with "Diddy's Little Goy" written on them instead of "Daddy's Little Girl" and the" Jesus in the Manger"  figurine's head is on backward. They spent all morning trying to decide whether to ship them back or offload them on dollar stores . I don't know what they are going to do because I didn't come back from lunch.

I got my hair cut and it looks really good. Short but with long bangs and some wisps at the neck. I got a pedicure, manicure, had my legs waxed and I'm exhausted.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow so I'm going to take a NeoCitron so I can sleep.

I'm in LOVE! Simon is AWESOME!

We went to a diner! How cool is that? Not retro diner a real old fashioned mom and pop place. I loved it!

He told me all about himself and his philosophies (he's got so many I can't even remember them all!) and he talked about his act, apparently he is heavily influenced by Richard Pochenko. (Which is probably very good judging by the way he said it ) and we talked about his art, he also paints!

I was thrilled to tell him about my book and he was really interested and then we talked more about his career. I've always been interested in the stage. To be honest I've always thought I'd make a great actress because it comes naturally to me. When something great happens to my friends, I act happy for them and when something bad happens, I act sad.

I've learned from the Wayne debacle though. No more one night stands for me unless the guy is famous or unless I'm really, really drunk, but it turns out that I didn't have to worry as Simon was a complete gentleman.

He walked me to the subway entrance and gave me the juiciest kiss I've had in my life. I feel like I floated home!

I am seeing him tomorrow after work!!!!

The shower was gruesome. I feel like my heart has been split in two. What a lousy end to what has been a perfect week.

Julie did a good job of acting surprised  (maybe too good, you wonder what else she has been hiding) and completely insulted me when she took a long look at me, pulled me close and said "Jenna, you're starting to show!!!"

It took me a few minutes to figure out what she was talking about, then it came back to me. I forgot to tell her that I wasn't pregnant!  Ay yi yi.  I was about to tell her that in fact my bundle of joy was actually a massive fart when Christine dragged her over to the buffet. Sorry, retro buffet.

Seriously, if I hear Christine say the word retro once more I am going to gag her with a blue pinwheel sandwich. My idea would have been tons better taco and tequila beats salmon in aspic by a mile.

The friction began when Christine wanted to start the games. I'd left the notebook with Julie's selections at home because I figured I'd improvise something but when it came time to start, my mind was a complete blank and Christine, as always, was furious.

I tried to think of things that would take the party out of suckitude like cards or beer pong but that just made her madder.

Julie started to cry and said that I'd let her down, why did she go to the trouble of thinking of games when I couldn't be bothered to bring them which set Christine off again, mad at me for ruining the surprise and telling Julie about the shower.

I looked around to see if I had any support but everyone was looking at me as if I'd had a hand in the crucifixion.

I held my tears, grabbed my purse and was about to ceremoniously dump Julie's present on her lap until I remembered I forgot to get her one, and left the party.

I will never talk to them again and I'm glad I spiked the punch.


Excerpt from Jayde An Extraordinary Woman in Ordinary Times

An Unathorized Autobiography By Jenna Thompson

Jayde ran sleekly down the Russian streets. She could hear the man's footsteps echoing in the distance. Expertly she calculated how long before he caught up. "Two point four seconds" she murmured through glossy red lips and she looked around rapidly until she spotted a doorway that led to a cellar. She skillfully jimmied the keyhole and slipped inside it. Through a tiny window she saw the man with the baklava mask pacing the streets frantically. She walked down the cellar steps, sat on a bench and sexily put her hand into the bakery bag.

"It's going to be a long night" she said to a piece of apple strudel.  The strudel said nothing as it was pastry and Jayde put a piece in her mouth while fumbling for her gun in the other hand, which was on the opposite side.

She munched happily while her would be assassin wore out a path on the street above.

"This isn't going to be my last night on earth Pancho" she said hilariously as she washed down the strudel with some coffee she'd hidden in her coat.

 *****Continued next week Last week