Are You Boring?

By Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

You feel if a sentence doesn't start with "I" it isn't worth continuing.

 

After seeing a movie with a friend, on the way home you tell them about the movie from beginning to end.

 

You find a flat even tone the best one for relaying information.

 

You end every party with your wedding video.

 

The bus driver knows all about your divorce six years ago.

 

If you lose your train of thought you find "ummmmm." or "uhhhhhhhh" valuable placeholders to keep you from losing the floor.

 

In your mind, listening is a process where you scan phrases for segues.

 

You feel high school chess club stories have to be told again and again and again. They never lose their richness!

 

You think "how are you doing?" means "how are you doing?"

 

When someone else speaks during a conversation it ruins your concentration.

 

You bought stamps Tuesday. You find this interesting.

 

When you are telling a story you find interruptions along the lines of "you already told me this" rude but continue on anyway.

 

You just know everyone on your email list is breathlessly awaiting the next issue of your newsletter "What Timmy Said Today."

 

You are completely incapable of hearing anything after you say the phrase "Well, if you want my advice..."

 

You find other people very boring.

 

...................................................................................................................................© 2005 Sharon Grehan-Howes

 

If you answered yes to any of these questions you are indeed very boring but there is no point trying to tell you that because you either won't listen or you'll butt in and tell me about your golf vacation.

 

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