PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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LIBBY INTERVIEWS...
DARVA CONGER

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Libby

Darva, that is exactly what happens on all honeymoons except for the show part. Let's face it the old clock is ticking, what are you 40?

Darva

I'm 34.

Libby

You see? You can't afford to be picky right now. There are things that go on between a man and a woman that although necessary are degrading and sometimes messy. This whole fiasco could have been averted if you're mother had just given you the talk.

Is there any chance you can patch it up with Rick?

Darva

I don't ever want to see him again.

Libby

What if I was to phone him and tell him you were PMS-ing?

Darva

No!! I just want my old life back.

Libby

So what comes next other than Lean Cuisine for one and a library card.

Darva

Well, I'm posing for Playboy.

Libby

Oh, Darva. Darva, Darva Darva. Showing your bazooms is not going to get you a decent husband.

I've got a soft spot for you kid, I keep thinking if I hadn't been beautiful and talented I could've ended up like you.

Here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to hook you up with my nephew Frank. Sure he's a little slow since he drank all that gasoline, but he's got two things going for him: he's a man and he's single.

Darva

Uh, I would really prefer if you didn't.

Libby

I see, can't handle another rejection now, huh? I understand.

Wait I've got a great idea! I could have a raffle or something, and you could be the prize!!! We'll think of some smart marketing thing,and this time there'll be no annulment loophole because we sure can't afford to let another fish out of the net. This time you'll be prepared because Libby's going to explain the wedding night to you.

Whattaya think?

Libby's Note:

At this point in the interview poor, poor sheltered Darva left and my heart just broke.I vow I will find her husband even if I have to go the mail order route.

Poor, poor Darva.


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Please Note: This is a parody of a magazine, so don't come crying to us if someone accidentally took out your liver or you starved to death on our diet. The interviews are not real and the interviewers are not real.

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