PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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LIBBY INTERVIEWS...
ANNA NICOLE SMITH

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Libby:

Well I admire you dear for putting up such a brave front and speaking of front, what does your T-shirt say?

Anna:

Deliops

Libby:

No, dear that's from your angle, what is it from my angle I don't have my glasses.

Anna:

Oh, Spoiled.

Libby:

Awwww, is that in memory of your husband?

Anna:

Yeah. He used to spoil me all the time, he'd buy me things and give me money to buy things and give me gifts that I could return to buy more things. Oh...

Libby:

Don't cry dear. I'd take you in my arms but I'm only a little thing and also you are wearing an awful lot of makeup. It is hard, but you'll get through it. I think it is marvelous the way you are taking your mind off your grief right now by suing the pants off anyone who'll look at you.

Anna:

I know it's what he would have wanted.

Libby:

So let's see, U.S. District Judge David Carter ruled that the victory awarded you in your bankruptcy case was improperly handled and that a new trial would be scheduled.

Anna

His son Pierce is the troublemaker. He says I don't deserve a thing!

Libby:

What nonsense! Did he prance around in fancy lingerie for his father? Did he have to snuggle next to someone who had ears that looked like hamsters and legs like petrified wood?

This is a tragic tale because let's face it honey you're not getting any younger. You married Mr. Marshall when you were 26 and he was 89. That's a 63 age difference. If this drags on much longer so will your boobs.

As time and goes on and gravity takes effect, you're going to find it tough attracting even the nonagenarian.

This is a downright travesty. How is a young woman with no talent supposed to make money these days anyway? In my day it was so much easier.

I'll tell you a little secret dear. I went through exactly the same thing you're going through--except we were fighting over a pig farm instead of 475 million dollars. I met my late husband Wally at a county fair. I caught his eye when I presented the award for the best cheese sculpture and we were married shortly after that.

No one knows unless they have been through it, the problems you experience with an intergenerational relationship. They have no idea how simple phrases like "pucker up" can strike fear into a young woman's heart. Poor Wally died not too long after we were married and like you, I found he'd left me out of his will.

All his greedy children crawled out of the woodwork, grasping and clawing using the very weak premise that they were flesh and blood that they'd known him all their lives while I had only known him six weeks.

Anna:

What finally happened?

Libby:

There was some question about who pulled the plug and why, so I decided not to tarnish my husband's memory with an ugly court case. I decided to rise above it all and leave town as soon as possible.

Anna:

Oh.

Libby:

I'm rooting for you hon, I'm sure the court will see sense some day-- after all your husband was a lawyer, what did he know about wills?

Perhaps you should try to mend the fences with your stepson, maybe he just had trouble adjusting to his new mommy. Take him to the zoo or a waterpark and see if you can't turn him around.

If that doesn't work, come with me to Kipling Acres to visit my mother there's lot's of prospects for you there. They may not be rich but at the very least they'll keep you in cheese fries and peroxide.