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Stalked by Santa, a Cautionary Tale about Dating Celebrities

By Elizabeth Hanes

Nick C. (not his real name) and I had only dated three times, so I was surprised when his obsession with me became apparent. I really go for older men, so Nick's warmth and grandfatherly nature had initially attracted me, but ultimately his significant weight problem and insistence on being accompanied everywhere by his midget entourage became turn-offs too large to overcome. It also hadn't helped when I'd discovered he was married.

I'd been a fan and admirer of Nick's since I was a little girl. I wrote him my first fan letter when I was, gosh, just five or six years old and wrote to him about once a year after that. Although he never wrote back, he'd always send me little presents on Christmas Day, which I thought was very considerate of him. Even though he showed me this attention, I believed in my heart-of-hearts that a big celebrity like Nick would never be seriously interested in a young girl like me from Truth-or-Consequences, New Mexico.

That's why it was like a fairytale come true when Nick asked me out. I'd moved to Los Angeles to pursue and acting and modeling career, but I hadn't expected to meet any big celebrities right away. I was positively shocked when I saw Nick standing in the middle of the mall with children milling around him. I found myself staring open-mouthed and even dropped my Macy's shopping bags (you know, the kind with the little paper handles) to the floor in awe. I guess you could say I was a little star-struck!

Nick spotted me and motioned me over. I couldn't believe it! He whispered in my ear, "Whaddaya say we head over to Sunset for a shot of Jack?" I could barely stammer out, "Yes." He grinned and took my hand, which was trembling, and guided me outside.

I guess I half-expected him to have his sleigh, but actually he drove an 80s BMW. In the back seat were five midgets - the Elves! I felt as if I must be dreaming. First to meet Nick C., my childhood idol, and now to actually meet some of his elves. It was all too overwhelming for words.

We had a wonderful first date at Whiskey-A-Go-Go, and then Nick took me back to my place. The sex was great. Nick was very verbal and loved for me to sit on his lap and tell him all my desires. He grinned and said I was "very, very naughty." He seemed to like that in a girl. A gentle lover, Nick was tenderly responsive to my needs. His soft, white beard was like a love toy, and he certainly knew how to use it! On our second date, when he suggested bringing the Elves into the bedroom, though, I knew he was too kinky for my taste.

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